Joe was diagnosed at age 4. It was a really tough time in my life. I simply had no support in questions I had about him.
His father didn't want his son "labeled". Some said, "Oh, that's just Joe being Joe." His pediatrician said he was just a "strong willed child". "But he's different than the first 3, I said". Still no help. I was confused and not sure. Maybe it was me making too much of it?
I really felt overwhelmed and alone. I had 3 other children to worry about and life was very complicated and truthfully, quite scary.
Without getting into too much, we went thru a horrible (understatement) divorce and I had to find help for Joe alone. It was such a dark time but I can't talk about how hard it is to find yourself single, with 4 children and basically penniless. It is another story and this is about Joe.
I tried to enroll Joe into the local headstart program. Since I was going thru the divorce and had no job, we qualified. Boy was it an eye opener! There was a screening process. Different stations to test hearing, vision etc. I knew right away that Joe was not like other 4 year olds. I cried. I knew then for sure what I had suspected was true.
I applied for Joe to get into the school's preschool program for special needs kids. It consisted of half typical and half non typical kids. They put Joe at the top of the list to get in. Thank God.
So I took Joe to the specialist alone. He told me what I suspected. Joe has high functioning autism.The doctor set up a speech and hearing evaluation at a well known children's hospital.
It was a nightmare. I knew he could hear but understood that it is a process that one must go thru to get help. It was horrible. He passed the hearing but the speech evaluation part was a nightmare. Joe hated to be in that room. He screamed, tried to bite, tried to climb the wall, spit on the wall, licked the wall, etc. It was 45 minutes of hell. The lady who was evaluating him said, "If you can get him into that preschool program, that's about the best you can do. We can't help him here. Our sessions are 30 minutes and it's been 45 and he still hasn't settled down. You'd be wasting your time driving all this way." (It was a 50 minute drive) I walked out of there angry, disillusioned, sad and determined. I decided then and there that it was up to me to help Joe. The doctors had no answers or help to give.
Luckily, (or maybe not luck. I think things happen for a reason) Joe got into that preschool program. It was not easy taking him there every day before work. Always a battle to get him dressed. I had to practically sit on him to get him ready.
Looking back, I don't know how I did it. I had 3 other kids to get ready for school. I also had to make it to work on time. Some days I walked into that school in tears, carrying a kicking and screaming Joe.
He spent his time at the school with his head down on the table for the first hour. He would lift his head for music time and he sat in the way back for story time. He didn't play with other kids and wouldn't smile or anything. The teacher would tell me his typical day. If he got angry, he would try to take all of his clothes off. Boy was he a fast undresser! It really was such a hard time. I worried about him constantly at work. I also had other kids to worry about. I was still going thru the horrible divorce and it was so hard on the kids to move and give up the life we had.
A little more background on Joe.
He started talking early and then stopped. I swear he would repeat my sentences at 11 months. He ignored most people. He did show me affection, but not many others.
He threw up constantly as a baby. I nursed him for about 2 months but he never latched on correctly and I was sore. I asked the doc about him throwing up and was told that as long as it wasn't projectile, that he was just colicky. No one wanted to hold him because of it. I was always covered with spit up. I always had a spit up towel over my shoulder.
Looking back, I should have explored it more but I was overwhelmed. One of Joe's brothers in only 14 months older. It was like having 2 babies. Plus the other kids, 7 and 5. Life was not simple.
As Joe grew, he was a big eater. Could never get enough food. Or milk. He loved milk.
He loved the water. He loved to swim. He had no fear of danger. He tried to get into the middle of the road many times.
When the kids would play on the swing set outside, Joe would wander to the edge of the field and sit there with his back facing us. (We had acres of land so it was a big field)
He could have been one of those toddlers you hear about that wanders 1 mile from home. He also was an escape artist. I had to have special eye-hook locks with safety sleeves. When he was 2 ½, he would take the broom and hit the eye-hook to open the door.
He was very smart. Didn't really talk much but smart! Maybe that is why most thought there wasn't anything wrong with Joe. (I mean nothing bad by the word 'wrong' but it fits) Joe also didn't like to sleep.
When he was 3-4, he started looking up and talking (nothing we could understand) to 'ghosts' as the other kids would say. It was strange. He still does this sometimes at age 8. Some people call it 'scripting'.
Joe freaked out at places like Walmart. Now I know it was sensory issues but at the time, I had no idea. I thought he was just misbehaving. I had to strap him in the cart tight and hold him with one had just to shop. It was not fun. I hated taking him in public.
His temper tantrums lasted over an hour. Full fledged. He would knock over chairs when he got mad. He would scream. Sometimes I would scream back. :) Sometimes that fooled him and made him stop, but only briefly.
He would strip down and run. I had to be fast but he was usually faster. It was another way of him expressing anger.
Joe became echolalic. He repeated the last word he heard. If you would ask him, "Joe, do you like red or blue?" He would answer, "Blue". "Do you like blue or red?" He would answer, "Red." I used to ask him over and over, "What is your name?" He would answer, "Name". I used to do this in the car with him to try to teach him his name.
Joe also liked doing things the same. He'd get mad if I drove down a different street to get home, for example.
There is more and I will include it in future blogs.
This is my first time really writing about Joe. I think it's time to tell his story and his successes!
More to come later,
Joe's Mom
So I took Joe to the specialist alone. He told me what I suspected. Joe has high functioning autism.The doctor set up a speech and hearing evaluation at a well known children's hospital.
It was a nightmare. I knew he could hear but understood that it is a process that one must go thru to get help. It was horrible. He passed the hearing but the speech evaluation part was a nightmare. Joe hated to be in that room. He screamed, tried to bite, tried to climb the wall, spit on the wall, licked the wall, etc. It was 45 minutes of hell. The lady who was evaluating him said, "If you can get him into that preschool program, that's about the best you can do. We can't help him here. Our sessions are 30 minutes and it's been 45 and he still hasn't settled down. You'd be wasting your time driving all this way." (It was a 50 minute drive) I walked out of there angry, disillusioned, sad and determined. I decided then and there that it was up to me to help Joe. The doctors had no answers or help to give.
Luckily, (or maybe not luck. I think things happen for a reason) Joe got into that preschool program. It was not easy taking him there every day before work. Always a battle to get him dressed. I had to practically sit on him to get him ready.
Looking back, I don't know how I did it. I had 3 other kids to get ready for school. I also had to make it to work on time. Some days I walked into that school in tears, carrying a kicking and screaming Joe.
He spent his time at the school with his head down on the table for the first hour. He would lift his head for music time and he sat in the way back for story time. He didn't play with other kids and wouldn't smile or anything. The teacher would tell me his typical day. If he got angry, he would try to take all of his clothes off. Boy was he a fast undresser! It really was such a hard time. I worried about him constantly at work. I also had other kids to worry about. I was still going thru the horrible divorce and it was so hard on the kids to move and give up the life we had.
A little more background on Joe.
He started talking early and then stopped. I swear he would repeat my sentences at 11 months. He ignored most people. He did show me affection, but not many others.
He threw up constantly as a baby. I nursed him for about 2 months but he never latched on correctly and I was sore. I asked the doc about him throwing up and was told that as long as it wasn't projectile, that he was just colicky. No one wanted to hold him because of it. I was always covered with spit up. I always had a spit up towel over my shoulder.
Looking back, I should have explored it more but I was overwhelmed. One of Joe's brothers in only 14 months older. It was like having 2 babies. Plus the other kids, 7 and 5. Life was not simple.
As Joe grew, he was a big eater. Could never get enough food. Or milk. He loved milk.
He loved the water. He loved to swim. He had no fear of danger. He tried to get into the middle of the road many times.
When the kids would play on the swing set outside, Joe would wander to the edge of the field and sit there with his back facing us. (We had acres of land so it was a big field)
He could have been one of those toddlers you hear about that wanders 1 mile from home. He also was an escape artist. I had to have special eye-hook locks with safety sleeves. When he was 2 ½, he would take the broom and hit the eye-hook to open the door.
He was very smart. Didn't really talk much but smart! Maybe that is why most thought there wasn't anything wrong with Joe. (I mean nothing bad by the word 'wrong' but it fits) Joe also didn't like to sleep.
When he was 3-4, he started looking up and talking (nothing we could understand) to 'ghosts' as the other kids would say. It was strange. He still does this sometimes at age 8. Some people call it 'scripting'.
Joe freaked out at places like Walmart. Now I know it was sensory issues but at the time, I had no idea. I thought he was just misbehaving. I had to strap him in the cart tight and hold him with one had just to shop. It was not fun. I hated taking him in public.
His temper tantrums lasted over an hour. Full fledged. He would knock over chairs when he got mad. He would scream. Sometimes I would scream back. :) Sometimes that fooled him and made him stop, but only briefly.
He would strip down and run. I had to be fast but he was usually faster. It was another way of him expressing anger.
Joe became echolalic. He repeated the last word he heard. If you would ask him, "Joe, do you like red or blue?" He would answer, "Blue". "Do you like blue or red?" He would answer, "Red." I used to ask him over and over, "What is your name?" He would answer, "Name". I used to do this in the car with him to try to teach him his name.
Joe also liked doing things the same. He'd get mad if I drove down a different street to get home, for example.
There is more and I will include it in future blogs.
This is my first time really writing about Joe. I think it's time to tell his story and his successes!
More to come later,
Joe's Mom
Sorry about my spelling mistakes. I really do know how to spell and talk properly!!
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